6 Harsh Realities Of Breastfeeding: What No One Tells You

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Breastfeeding is seemingly painted in a very positive light, after all, you are giving your child the “best” form of nutrition possible, right? Well, it’s not always what it may seem. Sure, you are supplying your child’s nutrition in the most natural way, but you may also find yourself slipping down into a pit of hormones and mom burnout from it too. There are certainly two sides to this coin, and we are here to talk about both of them!

Breastfeeding Isn’t Always Easy: And That’s Ok!

For some, breastfeeding is effortless and you may find yourself with gallons of milk excess in your freezer. Others may only see an ounce of overproduction if the stars align, and some people have a hard enough time being a “just enougher.”

Let me preface by saying, any amount of overproduction is not normal. Now, does “not normal” mean anything bad in this situation? No, not necessarily. However, this is not the standard and you really shouldn’t expect that out of yourself. Your body is designed to create milk for the baby you just had. Your body has no intention of feeding a freezer or milk bank, so don’t put that added stress onto your body or yourself! If you are lucky enough to have a couple extra ounces at the end of the day, that is wonderful, but my ultimate point here is that it’s completely normal not to have those extra ounces every day!

Breastfeeding hurts!

To answer the question “why does breastfeeding hurt” we first need to break things down into a few different categories .

Freshly postpartum & newly breastfeeding

When you are freshly postpartum, you should expect to experience discomfort when baby latches for roughly 2-6 weeks. This is because breastfeeding is a learning journey for all involved, and yes that includes baby! Your new baby is trying to learn how to properly latch, and they may even need some of your help to get things going smoothly. Ultimately, if baby doesn’t have any medical concerns or oral ties, this discomfort should resolve in an average of 2-6 weeks.

In the meantime, i encourage you to check out some of these pain relief methods!

hydrogel pads
Lanolin Cream
Nipple shields
expose your breasts to fresh air as much as possible, especially if you have any cracks or bleeding. If you can manage to go shirtless for a little while, this will greatly help the healing!
Consider getting a consult with a well-respected and knowledgeable IBCLC (lactation consultant) to assess your latch and possibly receive some tips on how to get a better latch

Mastitis or clogged ducts

Mastitis is excruciatingly painful, I truly hope you never experience it. Along with the pain in your breasts, you may experience cold or flu-like symptoms and a very heavy fatigue will come over you. In my experience with mastitis, I had the worst chills I’ve ever experienced and I was shaking horribly from them.

Clogged ducts are also quite painful, but if you catch them early and get them cleared adequately, you can avoid the symptoms of full onset mastitis! It’s important if you ever feel pain, if you feel a lump, or if your milk supply drops by a couple ounces, that you are very carefully looking out for any signs of clogged ducts!

Here are some things you can do if you think you have a clogged duct:

ask your doctor about taking sunflower lectin
massage the area of the suspected clogged duct
apply heat or a vibrating massager while pumping to try to break up the clog
try dangle feeding (lay baby on the floor, get on your hands and knees above baby and let your breast hang while breastfeeding, the force of gravity may help relieve the clogged duct!)
Try filling a Haaka with warm water and Natural epsom salt , attach the Haaka to the affected breast and gently massage the breast with the Haaka attached. This trick is how i always cleared clogged ducts personally and it was the most affective strategy for me.

woman with tissue covering her nose- representing chronic illness

New teeth

Now most of the big names in the breastfeeding world will tell you that a baby’s new teeth shouldn’t hurt, and while that is true most of the time, there will certainly be moments when you can feel them! Sometimes a baby may actually adapt their latch to compensate for the new tooth and that can cause some discomfort for mom.

Your best options for pain relief in this scenario would be silverettes or nipple shields

baby boy sleeping wrapped up in a brown blanket

Babies bite!

Both of my kids bit me at one point or another. My oldest’s biting was so bad I had to make the tough choice to wean him because of it. My youngest will occasionally still bite me from time to time but it is manageable. I’ve learned with my youngest, that he often bites me if something is distracting in the room, so I do what I can to minimize any distractions and I usually try to go to an empty room to breastfeed him.

The solution to biting will depend heavily on the reason behind the biting. Commonly, I hear of babies biting due to teething pain, and if that is your situation I highly recommend giving baby a cold teether and some pain medication prior to a feeding session.

The emotional rollercoaster of breastfeeding: D-MER and it’s symptoms

Did you know breastfeeding is completely hormone driven? Those same hormones that trigger letdowns and milk production can sometimes make you feel pretty terrible. Prolactin and oxytocin are the two main hormones responsible for the physiology of breastfeeding. When you latch a baby and they trigger your body to start a let-down, this releases a rush of oxytocin. At the same time, your dopamine levels naturally drop to allow prolactin to rise. This drop in dopamine can cause D-MER in some mothers.

What is D-MER?

D-MER stands for Dysphoric Milk Ejection reflex. This is typically caused by the dopamine drop happening too fast or too severely. The symptoms of D-MER are sudden unexplained feelings of sadness, anxiety, or even dread just before or during a letdown.

It’s important to understand that D-MER does not happen to everyone. The people who do experience these feelings often report differing severities of symptoms. Some people may experience it to such a severe level that they can not continue on with breastfeeding, and others may be able to manage symptoms without hindering their breastfeeding journey.

black and wite woman sitting holding knees. Representing depressive feelings

cluster feeding

Cluster feeding is essentially your baby’s way of telling your body that they are growing and they need more milk. This is often one of the top reasons women actually stop breastfeeding, because they perceive baby’s frequent feeds as thinking the baby is not getting enough milk and that they must supplement with formula.

As tempting as it will be to grab a bottle of formula in those moments, it is not recommended. That’s because baby will likely be full after the formula, So they will stop latching and trying to send that signal to your body to boost production, and you’ll inevitably create a vicious cycle of needing to supplement permanently.

Especially in the first 12 weeks postpartum, I do not recommend any formula supplementation unless your baby is not gaining weight and your doctor expresses concerns that your baby may not be getting enough. If this happens to you and your baby, I recommend first getting connected with a IBCLC, and creating a safe plan to move forward with whatever your personal goals are.

Leaking, engorgement, and all of the mess!

Your boobs will leak, maybe even before you give birth! Be prepared with a big box of breast pads, and be sure to change them very regularly to prevent a yeast infection for both you and baby!

Some people may only leak for the first couple months postpartum, but in my experience, I finally stopped leaking close to 1 year postpartum. That means for an entire year I wore bras 24/7 because I needed the pads or my shirt would get soaked constantly. It was draining and exhausting, but I highly recommend these sleep bras for breastfeeding! These bras are just about as comfortable as you can get when it comes to wearing a bra while sleeping, and they make it very easy to pop open and breastfeed through the night!

Engorgement HURTS, seriously! In the beginning, you’ll probably experience it often, your boobs will feel rock hard and achy. It’s a miserable and uncomfortable feeling, but the best thing to do in this situation is pump a small amount just to relieve pressure. If you don’t want an oversupply, be sure to stop as soon as you feel relief! Don’t continue to empty because this will lead to an oversupply if done regularly!

The mental load of exclusive breastfeeding

Most people don’t think there’s much emotionally/mentally taxing about exclusively breastfeeding, but they are very wrong. There will come a time when you become burnt out with this, and that is OKAY! Breastfeeding is such a challenge and it does naturally wear on you, after all, you are your babys sole food source for 6 months! That’s a lot of work!

Aside from the physical act of breastfeeding, if you choose not to use bottles, that means your partner can’t help with any of the feeds, especially night feeds. Initially, this may not sound so bad, but after a year of no sleep and listening to your partner snore peacefully, you may feel some resentment building up! This is normal because you simply feel the weight of everything piling up on you.

Here are some ways you can help manage the mental load and frustrations:

Ask your partner to take the baby for a few hours on the weekend mornings so you can get a few hours of restful sleep without interruptions
Prioritize date nights with your partner! This may sound so weird in relation to breastfeeding, but keeping that intimacy alive and reminding yourself that you are a TEAM will make a big difference when that resentment creeps up on you
After baby is done feeding, hand them off to your partner and go do something nice for yourself for a few minutes!
Prioritize your showers and self-care! Don’t let those things go to the back burner!

Conclusion

Now, with all of that said, please don’t leave this article thinking breastfeeding is going to be miserable the entire time. My purpose in writing this article is to shed some light on the small details that most people don’t talk about or prepare you for. Breastfeeding is hard, it is challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding and the bond you’ll develop with your little one is unlike anything else you could ever experience.

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6 Harsh Realities Of Breastfeeding: What No One Tells You

Breastfeeding Isn’t Always Easy: And That’s Ok!